Understanding Me.

As I dig deeper into my imperfections, and go past the insecurities of my body and personality...i have found that there's a lot of battles I need to face. My mind is warped into believing no one can possibly love me. Not any fault of my family, but it seems through some sort of indecency theres this great void that been put in my heart. Although this has been known for quite sometime I think the actual realization came when I found myself happy, actively social, and spoken today. There's always been doubt that I wasn't a likable person, mainly because I don't even like myself.
Lately by building my character and moral from years of self torment, has helped me to relax, and be who I always wanted to be. True those insecure parts still scream social suicide, but really my heart and soul say other words.

Until we meet again...
Funny line actually. Did you ever think about how that saying goes. "Until me meet again." Hmmm can you meet someone twice, is it because that person has changed somewhat. Or does it refer to the theory is reincarnation of a relationship. Is it the meaning of the excitement in the first moment when you introduce yourself. Or simply "Until we meet again..." means, "Until next time..." Yeah, "Until next time..." Makes sense.
See you cats later!

ROBERT!!!

Seriously this is too much. Robert another of my good youth group friends who moves away just started texting me for the first time in Months....crazy crazy crazy.

GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME!!!!

ADAM!!!

Okay so a good friend from youth group that actually helped me on my struggle with finding God just started talking to me again. I struck up a conversation through Facebook like I usually do, expecting no reply since he vowed never to talk to anyone from St. Louis anymore. Then as I was just getting off he replied to my message. Heart racing, blood pumping, I wrote back trying not to get my hopes up. There was about ten minutes of talking and then he said, "Do you have a phone? I have unlimited texting now and I want to talk to you more."
OHHHHH MYYYYY GOOODDDNNESSS! Made my night, week, month. I am so happy right now!

Lord,
Thank you for blessing me with a friend that I had lost and who was dear to me. Thank you for allowing another day to praise and serve you, thank you!!! Thank you!!! Thank you :))) Beyond belief!!!
Your servant, sheep, and daughter <3

Don't judge me by my posts...

40 Things I want from you:
1. I want you to hug me from behind, unexpectedly.
2. I want you to give me your hoodie when I'm cold.
3. I want you to hold me and keep me warm.
4. I want you to cuddle with me and watch movies.
5. I want you to kiss me in the rain.
6. I want you to hold my hands and play with my fingers.
7. I want you to play with my hair.
8. I want you to take amazing photos with me.
9. I want you to come to my house and meet my family.
10. I want you to lay in my bed with me and just hold me.
11. I want you to let me sing loudly to you in the middle of the store.
12. I want you to tell your friend’s everyday how much you love me.
13. I want you to write me songs and poems.
14. I want you to watch the sunrise with me.
15. I want you to lie in the grass with me at night and watch the stars.
16. I want you to kiss my nose.
17. I want you to wipe my tears away.
18. I want you to swim in the ocean with me.
19. I want you to tell me you miss me.
20. I want you to drop everything and hug me tight.
21. I want you to take pictures of us.
22. I want you to take me on a picnic.
23. I want you to snuggle with me in the movie theaters.
24. I want you to squeeze me as hard as you can when you hug me.
25. I want you to smile every single time you see me.
26. I want you to know how much I love you.
27. I want you to tell me how much you love me.
28. I want you to have a snow ball fight with me.
29. I want you to make me soup when I’m sick.
30. I want you to protect me and be a little jealous of every guy I used to like.
31. I want you to take road trips with me.
32. I want you to wake up every morning with me in your arms.
33. I want you to take my world.
34. I want you to give me your world.
35. I want you to let me rest my head on your shoulders.
36. I want you to run and embrace me when we haven't seen each other in awhile.
37. I want you to take me to meet your family.
38. I want you to send me sweet texts unexpectedly.
39. I want you to be better than all the other guys.
40. I just, want you.

Not even half the list....

JJ Heller - What Love Really Means (Official Music Video)

Youtube:song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Tr97iWMULM
Great song, great message. Make me want to cry every time I start to think about those girls or hear about people talking about Haiti.
Miss you girls soo soo much!

I'm a golden retriver/ otter mix.

To everyone who is scratching their heads right now. For a non credit class that freshman and transfer students have to take at LCU called AIM, we had this personality test exclaiming which animal we most relate to. According to this test I am more Golden Retriever Otter mix. Which astounds me because for so long I considered myself to be more lion.
True I do have those tendencies but found out that Golden retriever is more my thing. Being a dog means; I care more about relationships and building them than anything else. *So true! I love having strong relationships with people and will try anything and everything to keep them going* Also I'm not very good at expressing my feelings.*Also true. It's very hard for me to tell people how I feel and tend to be shy.* Another thing(being an otter) I tend not to finish tasks or take forever to do them.*Just ask my mom or my dad about how long it takes for me to clean my room :)*
With that being said I've learned a few things about myself, I need to work on not being shy and expressing my feelings more clearly. This week my goal is to spend more time with someone who I haven't developed a full fledged relationship with, and establish that relationship. Also with expressing my feeling more outwardly towards this new friend and to my other friends I have already made.
Wish me luck!

Freezing!

Don't get me wrong. I'm happy Fall has finally came and I can wear sweaters, long sleeve shirts, and jeans more often. Right now though, I'm freezing! Sitting outside the Warehouse was not a good idea especially since my fingers are so cold I can barely type my paper or notes. Ugh but soon I hope I will go in and be a big girl! :D
Today was great! It was "Music Monday" which means that they play music in the cafe during dinner. It was DISNEY! Freaking fantastic! It's funny you don't know how many Disney songs you know until you hear a bunch and can sing every word :))))

Picnik

I just discovered Picnik for the first time today. I'm pretty sure this might turn into an addiction. There's already been a lot of pictures I have done tonight....yeah its horrible. But I think they look great so that's all that matters.

Ideas

Silly thing happened to me this morning. Woke up, took a shower, and started putting away my clothes. As I was folding my sleep pants a piece of paper fell out of my pocket. It was a small note I guess from one of my friends. She had previously put it in my pocket while I was walking and I forgot about it. It said; "I love you more than th stars love the moon, and sun loves the trees. I adore thee." :)))) So cute.

"Shifting Sands". Caedmon's Call

My new favorite song, it melts my heart and brings me right at the feet of God.

Shifting Sand

This is what fall should look like everyday. My favorite season, full of colors, earthy smells, and layers:)

New picture of me, I was pouting at how long my dad was taking in the Verizon store :D

Adventures at LCU.

(In order of appearance from left to right, back to front. Me! and Bethany. Then Natalie and Brooklyn.)
This is all of us at Kickapoo Creek park. Natalie the girl with the dark blue shirt is one of my favorite people. Shes more or less like the Mother in the group, she takes care of us and keeps us on track. The girl next to me in the back is Bethany :D She is the silly one in the group, straight forward, and adorably innocent blonde. I love all her funny moments. The one next to Natalie and the one with the short black hair  is my roommate Brooklyn. I can't imagine having any other person as my roommate.
These ladies are just some of the few that I love but for once I feel accepted. :)))
I also love my face in this one hahaha

Steel Magnolias.

Watching Steel Magnolias for the first time, apparently it's a sin according to; my grandma's, aunt's, and mom.
So far AMAZING!

Quote of the day.

"You know that place between sleeping and awake, that place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always think of you." 
— J.M. Barrie<3

Today.

It is beautiful outside today. Almost like God is making a point to me. Matt is okay, you woke up this morning praising my name, everything is fine.
(Picture by Liz Caro. A friend of mine on Facebook who I have not been able to spend any time with lately but love her photos she posts. I literately live next to cornfields and this is a picture taken by Liz on one of her adventures I guess.)

Sometimes I think it's funny the way us mere humans stress over things that make no sense, or over things that God is taking care of. We worry so much about surviving, money, family, and health. In reality it is normal to want to go beyond your means and do it yourself, but God doesn't want that. He wants you to find him in everything you do. Without complaining or arguing(Philippians 2:14). He wants us to live and find living in his name our greatest accomplishment. Not work, not surviving, but to love and be loved in return.

Prayer for today:
Thank you God for allowing me to wake up with Your name on my lips. To find in me the strength to outlast what other people believed in me. Thank you for allowing someone dear and close to my heart remain in my life. Thank you for blessing me with your grace and mercy.
Thank you.

Matt my favorite person :)

MATT!

MATT IS CANCER FREE!!!! <3 I'm soooo happy right now. I only wish I could be there to give him a hug. That man is a brought me to God and I love him!

My angel!

Okay. So last year I went on a trip to Haiti. It was of my own accord and while I was there I went to this called, "House of Hope". There I met an angel named Wisline(above). As you may know that is where the devastating earthquake occurred in January. I had the chance to go last summer before the quake and now this past summer after the earth quake. The country is broken even more now and there is absolutely no way to describe it. In the summer of 2009 my stay at House of Hope was short but awe inspiring and gave me a heart for missions. This past summer as I was there for three weeks and was able to teach 25 beautiful girls art and dance.
There's been some amazing things God's been doing with my life. I can't wait to see everything he has in store. :)
 Her falling asleep on my lap:)))))))

Makes me cry!

This picture was taken at High Hill Christian Camp in 2008. A very special person named Sara took this photo right after I told Matt that I had accepted God into my life, and wanted to be baptized. The very moment I had seen God, Matt was there. In October Matt baptized me along with my brother and mom.  One of the most influential pictures I ever taken and probably ever will. This picture always will make me remember the first hour I believed, and who exactly was by my side.

Lose an Olsen!

So I'm taking this idea from Phil Defranco. He is this awesome guy on youtube. If you haven't seen him yet check him out! Anyway I'm going to try and lose 110 pounds by the summer. It's almost the end of September so I gotta get started. For all my life I have been the bigger girl. Now it's time to lose this weight that's been keeping me from being happy, making friends, and just having more fun.
I also feel like its causing me some medical issues like my ankle popping more and more, along with the depression, and anxiety. So tomorrow will be day one of my "Lose and Olsen" challenge.
My complete workout plan for the week!
Mondays: Wake up around 7. Treadmill (Jog)15 minutes. 2 reps of 20 crunches. Treadmill(Run) again for another 15 minutes.
Afternoon workout around 7-9
Tuesday: After lunch extreme workout! *Detail later*
Wednesday: Same as Monday but with 3 reps of crunches.
Thursday:Same and Tuesday
Friday: Dance fever! Practice dance and free style workout :)

Weekends I will workout as well but thats all i got time for tonight. Blog after my workout tomorrow. See you bloggers later ;)

College.

Ever since I started school things have been increasingly worse. I have to remind myself of everything I have witnessed over the past few summers in Haiti. Majority of the students there are lucky to get into a training program or to have even clean drinking water. So for now I just repeat like broken record Philippians 2:14 "Do everything without complaining or arguing."
Tomorrow Matt goes in for his test. My prayers have been consistent and I can only pray for the best. Please God, no more cancer!